Living one day at a time

The past two weeks have been some of the hardest weeks that I have had here so far. I think people are right when they say that bad things come in three's.

First Ariana quits the Guarderia. Then I get super horribly sick- vomitting until nothing was left and chest pains and horrible stomach pains. Apparently I had an inflammed colon or something weird and gross like that. Thirdly, I get told I'm not welcomed back into the program.

To explain a little more in detail, Ariana has been put on bedrest in her pregnancy because of personal reasons. I completely understand this and support her 100% but I miss her. She was my best friend here. One of the few people that I felt really okay to speak open and freely too, and she always gave me tons of advice. Along with missing her friendship and support, I really miss her presence in the classroom. I am currently teaching alone. I have the plan of what I have to teach but I create the lesson and teach it by myself. Another teacher shows up after a couple hours and tries to help me but ultimately I am doing most of the work. It has been difficult. I love having more of a role in the Guarderia but It is a bit exhausting.

As for getting sick, well the important part is that Im feeling better. Im trying to follow a really tasteless healthy diet. But since Ive been feeling better its been hard to follow.

Last and hardest of all has been finding out I am not staying. I was told that my spirtual life is not what they want from the program. Im not sure how the program is really familiar with this since they did not talk to anyone in the community. Honestly my suspicions lead me to question whether it is my spiritual life or the fact that I have a boyfriend that is the "problem." I don't want to bash the program but I am very hurt by the way my time here has been cut. I have given Santa Fe all that I can, I had been wanting to create a new program and most importantly I had devoted all of my time toward building stronger friendships. It has been difficult going around one by one telling everyone that not a single missionary will be welcomed back from our house. More importantly has been explaining to them that it's not that we don't want to stay but they we are not being allowed. It has been flattering to find out that everyone wants us to stay and are trying to find a way for us to stay. I just don't feel ready to leave here yet. Im still building relationships, learning where I can help out and growing in my spanish and community.

It will be nice to see all of you. However, I hope you understand my sadness in leaving a place that has my heart right now. I hope with time to feel at peace with all of this.


Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
- Serenity Prayer

All my Love.