Ive seen better days...

Today is cold and rainy.

I recieved the swine flu shot (influenza) and my head has been hurting since. Not sure if that is related...

I have also literally been freaking out for 2 weeks about my visa. I now have 5 days to finish this or I leave the country. My last letter (Sent from Chicago) should arrive tomorrow, and then I will have to go friday. I will have 4 days to get to 2 offices three times or I get the boot, or a late fee. Im not really sure at that point. Im really getting down to the wire here. And starting to freak out.

Missing my family and friends and strugging to stay positive. Im having trouble focusing on what is going on here, and feeling again like maybe this wasn't meant to be. Wishing I had some way to know it would all work out. Because of all my worrying, Im having trouble focusing on work and my mission. Putting my thoughts and planning for new things on hold and trying to enjoy being at work.

Happy Ash Wednesday.

p.s. they use stamps to put the ashes on your forehead. They are perfect crosses.

Update coming again soon.

Unwelcome in Mexico

Last week, unforunately was another hard week. I went to the Mexican government office, feeling very nervous, but hopeful that this Visa process wouldn't be as horrible as they say it is. However, immediately upon entering I knew this guy meant business and that it was NOT going to be easy. Apparently rules have changed and I was not informed of needing my letter from Loyola University Ministry to be Notarized with a Certificate of Authenticity. WHAT?! Where this came from I have no idea. None of the other missionaries had to do this. Not only is this necessary, but I have 3 weeks to do it, or its Adios to Mexico. Ok so not forever, but If I do not get this done by February 23rd I must leave Mexico and return again. And let me tell you, I did not save up to leave the country every six months and stay on a Tourist Visa... So, as being my second time not getting my visa for uncontrollable reasons, I am seriously frustrated. This process has left me feeling pretty helpless and misguided. And feeling like, maybe its just not meant to be for me to be here in Mexico, since this never seems to work out. And the sad thing is, I want to be here. I don't want to leave. I am finding my place, slow but surely. Learning patience in all aspects and attempting to find new roles here.

Ok, so I must admit this Visa thing is not the end of the world. But I feel very worried and nervous regardless. I can not do anything in Mexico and must leave my fate in the hands of others... I am trying, impatiently, to wait for these items. And asking favors of many around me in order to get the letter in Chicago sent ASAP. I feel very guilty having to ask this again of the same person... But I guess there is nothing I can do. But wait. And hope. And pray.

I couldn't be more grateful for the help that I am recieving from friends and family in the U.S. And even a couple here in Mexico. I know this will all work out in the end, but I wish that it could have gone differently.

I am trying to let my frustration go. Because I still have work to do here. I still have to find a bigger role here. A role that is mine. Not just in the Guarderia. But in the community. I am finding my Spanish is getting better everyday and I am beginning to find conversation easier and less nerve racking. Now is time for grabbing on to my faith and trusting that what is meant to happen will happen...

When did it become February??

Since I last wrote there have been few updates from here. However, this past week was a rough one at the Guarderia. A new student came, on a day when I was teaching Solo (Wednesday). From the second she stepped in the room it became obvious that her assimilation to the classroom was not going to come as easy as the other newbies. She refused to let go of her Grandma's hand and would not say hello to me nor the class. After 15 minutes of the girl throwing a fit and refusing to stay, they left the classroom and came back and left her in the room with the door firmly shut. Needless to say her dislike for our room had not disappeared and she began a huge tantrum involving scream crying and non stop questioning to be let out of the room. She told me several times that I scared her and would not stop crying. I must admit I was really taken aback by the girl's reaction to me, I have never had a kid tell me they were afraid of me or not want to talk to me. So I decided the best thing to do was to leave her alone and let her have her fit and pay attention to the other class. I had already tried introducing her, having the kids say hello, talking about how the first day was scarey and how we all going to be nice to her and make her feel welcome, but she did not want to be there. After about an hour the computer teacher came and to get a break from the crying I let her go. But then she refused to come back, running and hiding in the kitchen closet. After computer she tried climbing out the window and continued the crying. Needless to say it was an exausting day and even the kids admitted to having headaches and being tired of listening to her cry... What was I to do? I left for the day, completely drained and not wanting the new student to return thursday.
However, as I waited out front of the guarderia, I noticed she had not only returned, but was wearing the uniform, a sign that she was planning to stay. On the second day, it was worse. Luckily Ariana was with me. But the girl refused to sit down, tried to climb out the window all day long and proceed to start hitting Ari. Every teacher at the Guarderia was exhausted and not wanting this girl to stay. After my second exhausting day with her, I went home feeling really unhappy about the new addition to the Guarderia and its change in dynamic. But yet, I returned to the Guarderia on friday to find the new student in the middle of her tantrum. However, unfortunately, it took the new girl knocking stuff down of shelves and cutting her arm to make her calm down. She then sat quietly all day, minus the constant questioning of when her mom was going to come and if she could go to recess and take her back pack home. While I still had a little pent up annoyance becuase of the previous two days, I tried to be encouraging and nice to the new girl. By the end of the day, Ariana and I realized that she was most likely staying since she was starting to behave and realize we had to change our attitude. It was now time to accept her as a classmate and give her positive reassurance to make things work.
I must admit, a part of me really did not want this little girl to stay. And while I know she is only 4 years old, I was exhausted and maybe a little hurt by her dislike and supposed fear of me. However, Im here as a missionary. Im here to love the community. To love these kids, even the bad ones. And now, my attitude is changing. I am trying to find my patience with the new student, and remember she is just a little girl, wanting her mom. Yes, she started off really bad in our classroom, but hopefully we will be playing and making new positive memories from here on out. And remembering that the hardest things are usually the things most worth it.

Today, we have off of work because it is a national holiday, and I am taking today to catch up with friends and family and rest in order to come back ready for a good day. I will be teaching alone again tomorrow and I hope that things will go well. This week I begin my trek through several offices and lots of paperwork to get my Visa to be able to stay in Mexico. Im hoping that it will not be as horrible as it was for the girls last year. Wish me luck and let me know if you have any tips.

This is all for now. Love you and thanks for listening.