and then there were 2...

This has been a bit of rough week, with Lisa and Caro having left and me getting the cold&flu thingy... While I miss Caro and Lisa in the house, it was more a reminder that I too am leaving on a jetplane. And all too soon. I keep thinking, I only have a week left, I only have 6 days left...etc. And I know that saying goodbye will bring lots of tears for me. Especially with the close friends I have made here and with Josue. No matter how bad the program thinks I am for having fallen in love, its been one of the most special and beautiful things that has happened to me in my life and something I am very sorry to have to leave.

But before I get the water works going about all that, Josue and I are going to Guadalajara this weekend. Leaving tonight and coming back Sunday night. It has to be a short trip since he has to work today and Monday but Im looking forward to getting to know another part of Mexico and to meeting his Dad!

Then I will come back have Mon Tues Wed and then return on Thursday. I can't believe how this year has flown by. I feel like I have grown and learned so much from everyone here. I hope I can find a way to incorporate it in the US and continue my friendships and relationships. Just wanted to give a little heads up to what has been going on before I get back. If I don't write again, I shall see you all in less than a week!

All my love.

It's so hard to say goodbye...

We have officially finished our time at the guardera and while I feel happy for how much the kids have advanced, I likewise, feel a sadness for leaving. I have learned and grown so much with working in this community and it is something I will never forget. I hope I can come back and visit so as to keep them alive in my thoughts and prayers.

Lisa and I with Paquita our Boss and friend at the Guarderia

While we haven't said our final goodbyes to Paquita and our co-workers, we had our last day as Maestras and turned in our smocks. The tears started flowing and there wasn't words to explain our appreciation toward the Guarderia.

The 3rd year students dancing as part of their graduation ceremony.

The last day entailed a graduation ceremony for the kids heading off to elementary school and the recieving of certificates for the students who excelled over the year. We ate together, shed a few tears together and celebrated a completed year.

While I was struggling to find the words to say goodbye to my kids, I thought, am I really never going to see these little ones ever again? An entire year of sharing with these amazing kids, smiles, hugs, "I love yous," tears and scratches. A year of some struggles and difficulties but in the end, it was worth it. Every single one of those kids I grew to love, for who they were, for their hyperactiveness, for their shyness, for their ability to always make me laugh. The Guarderia has been a very important and special part of my life here in Mexico and now the realization is setting in that I am going home. I may never see these kids again, but I hope that I may have made the slightest bit of difference in their life, even if it was only learning their ABCs. I however, will keep their love and joy guarded with me forever.

Here are a few photos, from the end of the year lion project with my class:

all my peace and love.

July,

Just wanted to let everyone know, I bought my ticket home and will be back in Chicago August 5th.

On another note, things are kind of winding down a bit here. Everyone has bought their tickets home. The guarderia finishes on friday and after that I will be pretty open. Im planning on going to the Missionaries of Charity with Caro as much as I can, being in the parish, hopefully getting some exercise and applying for more jobs. I have been steadily applying and luckily have had one response but to be on the safe side, Im going to keep applying. Im hoping to be able to jump into a job soon after being back. But we shall see where life takes me.

Im feeling a little stressed and sad about things finishing here but I am trying to enjoy every moment with the kids, with my friends, in the parish and with Josue. This weekend was Josue's 26th birthday so we went and saw the new twilight movie Eclipse! It was really a great day. But we are hoping to be able to have a party when his stomach is back in shape after being sick. I don't have very many other plans for the month but Im hoping to get out and explore the city some more.

This weekend, Padre threw a 4th of July BBQ for us. It was a nice gathering with close friends and delicious hamburgers! I ate 2!!! haha. It was a nice way to share in our culture and holidays too.

No more exciting stories but I will try and write again soon and keep you updated on my last month and my return home. Love you all. Take care.

Turning a new leaf

May has come to and end and I fear time will continue to pass at an insanely fast rate. However, while my time is a tickin', things have really been turning around.

The last couple weeks have allowed me to really throw myself into my relationships here and my community activities. Hedi and I have started to get to know each other and have been enjoying nice conversations during the school day. I'm learning each day that we are very different people but enjoying the friendship that has been building. Hedi is from a pueblo 6 hours away from D.F., where her husband and family live. She lives here in D.F. during the week and heads home every weekend, to visit her family and husband. While she doesn't seem to love travelling 12 hours every weekend, she confesses that its worth it to have a job and get to see her husband. While we may have grown up in very different worlds, it seems at the end of the day we both have a passion for working with the kids and trying to provide them the best of opportunities. I still miss Ariana but its nice to feel like I have someone to talk to again. Especially when im stuck thinking for an hour or two while drawing out the kids classwork.

I have also tried my hardest to throw myself completely into community activities and gatherings. I don't think I ever avoided them or didn't participate fully, however now I feel like I need to soak up every last minute since I won't be here after July. Eating and conviviendo (literally, living together) after mass every sunday has found a new meaning. Sometimes there is not anything exciting happening or anything to talk about but merely being there has provided a new joy and distraction from leaving. I have also spent great time with my friends Ricardo, Veronica, Andrea (and family) recently. As well as being invited to get togethers at Josues house with his family. Sometimes just sitting talking in front of the church, other times going to the center or watching a movie, but each moment is something to remember from my time here in Mexico and hopefully relationships that I can keep long after my time here.

This past Saturday we had a quinceañera for one of our good friends Abby. She had been planning and talking about her party for over a year and it was great to finally see it all come together. While all parties have their little glitches, I think it went over great and was a lot of fun. She really deserved to have something so special and it was nice to be a part of it.

I have started building my resume and planning moving home. While I still feel sad to go, im also getting a little more excited about the future that is ahead of me. So many possibilites... Trying to stay with this positive attitude. See the Joy. Don't let the man get you down.

lots of love.

leaving... on my mind

I've been pretty bummed the last few weeks about leaving Mexico. Every great moment I have with another person seems to be overshadowed by a sense of sadness, that these moments will not be continued throughout my next year.

As well, I have started the process of looking for a place to live, considering and gathering info for entering grad school and thinking about looking for work. All of which are heavy things to consider. But after a really rough day, I remember why I am here. Not to feel sorry for myself, but to give myself to the community. To serve and live together. While I can't ignore the difficulty of this big change I can't waste my last two and a half months here dwelling on it.

I need to enjoy every moment. Capture every second and make sure that I get the most out of this year. I'm not sure how exactly but I will try my hardest.

Moments such as:

- Unexpectedly running into a friend outside the parrish and talking and listening to what has been happening in her life for over an hour.

- Riding the bus home, after a long day and running into a friend.

- Trying so hard not to smile when Im supposed to be punishing one of the boys in class.

- Getting hugged by the whole class and almost falling over.

- Seeing one of the girls in my class who refused to eat, start eating for the first time.

- Having Padre, my boss and the nuns all run to our defense when told we were going to be leaving.

Just a few examples of little things. Unexpected moments that you have to take a second to realize how great they are. These moments may not be huge, and I know Im not changing the world, but these are the moments that make life more bearable and enjoyable for all of us.

Thanks for listening. All my Love.

Living one day at a time

The past two weeks have been some of the hardest weeks that I have had here so far. I think people are right when they say that bad things come in three's.

First Ariana quits the Guarderia. Then I get super horribly sick- vomitting until nothing was left and chest pains and horrible stomach pains. Apparently I had an inflammed colon or something weird and gross like that. Thirdly, I get told I'm not welcomed back into the program.

To explain a little more in detail, Ariana has been put on bedrest in her pregnancy because of personal reasons. I completely understand this and support her 100% but I miss her. She was my best friend here. One of the few people that I felt really okay to speak open and freely too, and she always gave me tons of advice. Along with missing her friendship and support, I really miss her presence in the classroom. I am currently teaching alone. I have the plan of what I have to teach but I create the lesson and teach it by myself. Another teacher shows up after a couple hours and tries to help me but ultimately I am doing most of the work. It has been difficult. I love having more of a role in the Guarderia but It is a bit exhausting.

As for getting sick, well the important part is that Im feeling better. Im trying to follow a really tasteless healthy diet. But since Ive been feeling better its been hard to follow.

Last and hardest of all has been finding out I am not staying. I was told that my spirtual life is not what they want from the program. Im not sure how the program is really familiar with this since they did not talk to anyone in the community. Honestly my suspicions lead me to question whether it is my spiritual life or the fact that I have a boyfriend that is the "problem." I don't want to bash the program but I am very hurt by the way my time here has been cut. I have given Santa Fe all that I can, I had been wanting to create a new program and most importantly I had devoted all of my time toward building stronger friendships. It has been difficult going around one by one telling everyone that not a single missionary will be welcomed back from our house. More importantly has been explaining to them that it's not that we don't want to stay but they we are not being allowed. It has been flattering to find out that everyone wants us to stay and are trying to find a way for us to stay. I just don't feel ready to leave here yet. Im still building relationships, learning where I can help out and growing in my spanish and community.

It will be nice to see all of you. However, I hope you understand my sadness in leaving a place that has my heart right now. I hope with time to feel at peace with all of this.


Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
- Serenity Prayer

All my Love.

Next Year...

Well, Im not welcomed back next year. And I couldn't be more crushed...

looks like Im coming home.